Spring Break and Saints

I am so thankful to still be in the school system so I can experience the phenomenon known in America as Spring Break...even though it happens while it's technically winter...

This year I thought my time would be best served visiting the church in Arizona as I will be moving there this year. I wanted to see my friends Jen and Eddie, meet the saints there and get a general sense for the place. The exciting surprise, was that the Rock decided to go too.

So I spent my week with the college age saints from my own body...and that was a delight! Most of them had never been on a spring break trip with our movement before, and they were excited to run hard. I knew very few of them, but was so encouraged by their fresh faith and hearts to serve God in the hot sun. The Rock has got some amazing people that I am sad to have missed out on the pleasure of knowing, and am so grateful for the brief time running with them this week.

We ran a soccer camp, hosted a kid's carnival, and went door to door to see if we could serve anyone. Everyone was very encouraged by each of these events. We met a lot of people, shared the Gospel over and over and spent time being loved by the Arizona saints. There were lots of dinners together with the Arizona church and the fellowship was a blast. All in all, I think it was a very fruitful trip for all and I am excited to hear stories from this summer's infusion, and am sad I will be missing it.

I was able to meet most of the church body in Arizona and my goodness do these people understand hospitality! It is a very small church and most of the families in the church hosted us. One house had 10 girls and most of the other houses had 3-5 people (the Rock brought 30 people). It was amazing. They constantly had food for us, expressed their thankfulness for us and for those we had already sent to them. They love the Lord and each other and it is an amazing witness of Christ's love. Many of their teens we able to participate in our spring break trip and I was honored to serve and share with these young men and women.

One of the days we were there, we split up into groups to go and tell the Good News. My group went to a skate park with 2 youths from the Arizona church. Timo (16yrs old) jumped right in with the Gospel with these skaters, time and time again...and every one of the ones we handed a soda to (at least 24) sat and listened to the Gospel...It was amazing. They were receptive and though none of them accepted Christ, I know we made them think. One of the guys even cried when I explained justification...the very thing I myself have just come to understand.

God really blessed our time there and it was the most encouraging cold-turkey sharing experience I've ever had.
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On the other side, I am excited to dive in and give all I've got to my team here. Being in Arizona reminded me of how short a time I really have to give all I've got back here. God is really blessing this body and things are hopefully about to take off. I've been praying for more women to join my team for a few months now. 1 just did and 2-3 more are going to at the beginning of summer. God is really paving the way for me to move on and that is encouraging.

My whole ministry has been growing in unity, and that is delightful. I am very excited to see what God does with us this year. It's going to be glorious, because God's leading.

Leaps and Bonds...

Have I not commanded you? 

Be strong and courageous. 

Do not be afraid; 

do not be discouraged, 

for the LORD your God 

will be with you 

wherever you go.” 

- Joshua 1:9

I am not good with change. Ask anyone that knows me. I will eat the same food day in and day out. I order the same meal at restaurants year after year. I like having the same routine each week (even if it means getting up at 5am 5 days a week just to work out before work, when I only need to get up that early 3 days a week). I make lists endlessly and repetitively and I love knowing what's going to happen. As long as I am in my routine and in "the know" it's so easy to go with the flow. But life is not a routine flow, now matter how desperately I want it to be.

he refreshes my soul. 

He guides me along the right paths 

   for his name’s sake. 

-Psalm 23:3

Every year, round mid-February I have a lot of choices to make.This happens without fail,  and these choices can determine the course of my life, so are subject to much scrutiny. This year, I'm making the biggest and hardest decisions to date and there is a lot more going into these decisions than usual. Usually, I am just deciding where to spend the summer, what summer job to take and who to live with in the fall. While I am still making those very same decisions, they have very different outcomes, because I am deciding whether or not to move to another state, and whether or not to go back to school. For a while now the desire to go back to school to pursue a career in medicine (specifically in child life) has been growing. I've ignored it for a few years because I don't have the money to pursue it, and really can't from here any way. But in November, God told me I was going to be moving...and upon research (and research done this morning), the university there has a masters program that could be exactly what I'm desiring. But that leaves me with question: Is God giving me the desires of my heart or am I reading into the situation?

"And without faith 

it is impossible 

to please God,"

- Hebrews 11:6

"Now faith is 

confidence in 

what we hope for 

and assurance about 

what we do not see."

- Hebrews 11:1

I like to be able to see where I'm putting my foot, and that's the opposite of a leap of faith. All of life should be lived in faith...but every once in a while God asks for a True leap of faith...Just jumping into the wild unknown and trusting Him to catch you and set you up right.

The problem in that for me is the fundamental unbelief in my heart to trust God to catch and set me right. God has been showing me just how deep this particular vein of unbelief really goes. See, it's hard for me to actually believe God would give me the desires of my heart, because I don't, at my core, even believe God is good. At least not to me. I am convinced 100% that Jesus came and died, once for all (including me), but do not believe that He has my best in mind, or if he does, that he actually has my best in store. Instead I believe the lie that I am expendable and valueless.

So here I am, at decision's door step, required to take a leap of faith into something I deep down don't believe will turn out for my good...

"But now, this is what the LORD says—
   he who created you, Jacob,
   he who formed you, Israel:
“Do not fear, for I have redeemed you;
   I have summoned you by name; you are mine.
When you pass through the waters,
   I will be with you;
and when you pass through the rivers,
   they will not sweep over you.
When you walk through the fire,
   you will not be burned;
   the flames will not set you ablaze.
For I am the LORD your God,
   the Holy One of Israel, your Savior;
I give Egypt for your ransom,
   Cush and Seba in your stead."

-Isaiah 44:1-3

I am meditating on these verses. I have some Truth gaps. I have been in bondage because I have not been listening to my shepherd's voice...I am going to prayerfully consider this decision, and  make this leap confident in my God. He will get me through, and I will not allow Satan these footholds any longer...

Need to Please

It's always fun, when for absolutely no reason, you make a revelation that helps your soul. Today while getting ready to leave the gym I realized I truly am a people pleaser, and this is the root of much discontentment in my life.

A friend pointed out a while ago that maybe there was some need or desire in me to please a certain other friend. I was immediately able to agree, and then spent some time working that out and what that meant. I've had several chances to talk to the friend I need to please, and we've been working on gaining a better and deeper friendship.

Then BAM!

For no reason, God opened my eyes to see that this is not just a problem with that particular friend, it's a problem with everyone. Particularly in the area of singleness. Everyone in my life is rooting for me to get married (and do so soon). This is hard on me because it's a desire of mine too...

But as I realized today, I am actually quite content with being single for myself, but constantly feel like I'm a disappointment because of this expectation on my life. So, I get caught in a vicious cycle: Instead of laying this disappointment at God's feet, I run to him and beg for a caretaker. He lovingly says no, and I get very upset...I become discontent with my situation and believe that I know better than God, actually I believe that the people in my life know better than God and deserve more of me than God does. This lie causes me to try to please people in other ways because I'm disappointing them in the area of marriage, and I end up repeating the cycle again and again over many areas of my life...

God does not need me to get married, or have any expectation of the sort. God simply loves me for me. He sees me as his lily white, fun loving princess, whom he is using for his glory and the expanse of is kingdom. All he wants is me to love him in return. He knows me inside and out, past, present and future, and he is not concerned with my pleasing others. In fact He is Jealous for me. He is fighting for me and often against me when I choose to love anything other than him.

To God, not giving me a caretaker and husband is the most loving thing he can do for me, because I do not need one, nor truly want one right now. I need Jesus to be my rock, my center and my foundation first and I need to let go of this persistent need to please others in how my life plays out.

Justification

A while ago, it was brought to my attention that I have a big hole in my understanding of the Gospel, and that hole is the concept of justification.

Justification = I am pure and holy sitting at the right hand of God right now. 

The trouble is that knowing a definition of a word doesn't just make the problem go away, and I have been wrestling with this for months. I have been fighting lies, immersing myself in Truth, reading about justification,  and praying for understanding. Then last night I was reading Because He Loves Me by Elyse Fitzpatrick and she wrote:

‎"He never punishes us in wrath because 

He has NO wrath left. 

Every drop of his wrath was 

ALL poured out on His Son." 

The wording struck a chord in me, and several verses finally hit my heart and made sense. If you believe in God, there is no wrath for you because it was poured out on the cross!

"For God 

did not appoint us to suffer wrath 

but to receive salvation 

through our Lord Jesus Christ." 

- 1 Thessalonians 5:9

"Since we have now been 

justified by his blood, 

how much more shall we be 

saved from God’s wrath through him!"

-Romans 5:

"The LORD has given full vent to his wrath;
   he has poured out his fierce anger." 

-Lamentations 4:11a 

I am free from wrath, attack, stain and sin in God's eyes and all that is left is a beautiful, sanctified, justified. A princess. His daughter, welcome on His lap, and free to play joyfully, and protected in His fortress for all time.

I am so excited to continue to grow in my understanding of the Gospel, of my identity and of God's character!

What part of the Gospel are you missing? Are you going to allow God to fill that hole with Truth?

How was Faith Walkers?

It happens every year, you get back from Faith Walkers and your brain and heart are full. You are encouraged, challenged and need time to think and process through all the information, love, and Truth that was just given to you, and your friends want to know "How was Faith Walkers?" I always answer, "AMAZING!!", but that doesn't even begin to do it justice. So this year, I'm going to try to analyze it a bit better...

"God grab us by our chubby faces and look in your eyes. Get our attention and tell us of your love." 

     A pastor started the conference off with a prayer like that. At least that's what my heart prayed with him...And my goodness did God deliver!

    Last year was a very VERY hard year for me, so I went into Faith Walkers asking God to show me His pursuit of me in love and I was not disappointed. 

     During one session God pursued me so intensely that I had to skip the second one just to be with him. In the session, I was "Randomly" sitting in the chair with a silver dollar under it and won it. I was given verses that spoke directly to my heart and the speaker was looking directly in my eye as he said the verses. All the while I had the sense of being intensely and lovingly stared at, by God. He literally grabbed my chubby face and told me of his love for me.

     If that wasn't enough, God also answered 3 of my prayers. I've been persevering in prayer for a year and a half for a friend and watched as God answered the prayer before my eyes. I've also been praying for another friend for a few weeks now, and watched as God answered that one too. The last prayer was in passing. A friend looked weighted down, and I knew they had taken a vow. I prayed and asked God to release them from it, and then got to see them freed. Filled with joy and a grown understanding of God. 

     This was such a big deal to me not only because my friends' lives are closer to God than before, but because in answering those prayers God answered several more for me personally, affirmed me and challenged me. I had recently been wondering if my prayer was even worth it, or useful. I had seen God do big things with my prayer in the past, but lately I had been feeling like God just wasn't listening to me, so it wouldn't make a difference if I stopped. Then bam!! He answered those 3 types of prayers and that's important to me because those are the only kinds of prayers I pray. I am like the persistent widow for the duration of the need, pray for something coming up, or I pray something once or twice in passing. These prayers I had been praying were good examples. 

     I don't know if I've been on my knees for a believer more than the first one I mentioned, and the last one was a prayer from an observation I had made, simply as I walked by them in the hotel. I don't know if it would have turned into a persistent prayer, but I doubt it, and will never know, because God answered me with a resounding yes.

     God does hear us and he does answer us. Sometimes the answer is no, and sometimes the answer is yes. But don't stop asking.

"We pray all to often for what we want. Instead we should be praying for what we already have (the Holy Spirit)."  

I asked for things that the Holy Spirit could deliver, because in different words for each of them I was asking for the Holy Spirit for them. I have been encouraged to continue in my prayer, challenged to pray for more of the Holy Spirit and challenged to pray more often, and more consistently for people.

     All of the messages were great, and these men who spoke have True hearts for God. Please take the time to go find and listen to the messages. I cannot do them justice and can only share what God spoke to me through them, and while that is valuable, I bet God wants to tell you something else through those messages.

     So, how was Faith Walkers? It was a great time to meet with, hear from, and grow in Christ. My brain is full, my heart is encouraged and I am tired...Faith Walkers was AMAZING!!