a hop, skip and Japan...

March 11, 2011  An 8.0 earthquake shook Japan destroying buildings, homes and lives. Shortly after, tsunami waves hit and caused even more unbelievable destruction. 

I am currently going through the process of trying to raise support to go out there and help this summer. I have had a heart for the Japanese people and nation since the second grade, and this is finally my opportunity to do something with that passion and love. 

There is so much cleaning and rebuilding that needs to be done, and many, many hands are needed to do this, but...

1 Sam 10:7b "do whatever your hand finds to do, for God is with you."  

...my hands will be busy with an assortment of things, as I help to clean up, but I know God will go with me to do much more than just clean up. I am going to clean the muck and the mire from the disaster in the hopes that god rescues people from the muck and the mire of sin and the fate of Hell.

Less than 1% of the Japanese people know Christ and this is a startling thing to let your mind embrace. If the Gospel of Jesus Christ is true (which I know it is...so prove me wrong if you don't), then more than 99% of the people in Japan are going to spend an eternity without Christ. They will be in the lake of fire and that is not okay.

"How, then, can they call on the one they have not believed in? And how can they believe in the one of whom they have not heard? And how can they hear without someone preaching to them? And how can anyone preach unless they are sent? As it is written: “How beautiful are the feet of those who bring good news!” -Romans 10:14-15

I have decided that I want beautiful feet, and not earthly beauty...an imperishable beauty that comes when you allow your cracked and hardened vessel to be a tool for the living God to save people from the fate He saved you from. I want to skip, hop and jump to Japan because  I want Heaven to be booming with people and I want to obey my big brother's command...

“All authority in heaven and on earth has been given to me. Therefore go and make disciples of all nations, baptizing them in the name of the Father and of the Son and of the Holy Spirit, and teaching them to obey everything I have commanded you. And surely I am with you always, to the very end of the age.”

and knowing that my big brother is with me gives me courage as I face the boldest thing I've ever done. I know that my Father will provide the money I need to get out there, and I know that there will be fruit from this faith jump.

I know that eternity will look different for my sacrifice of time and comfort and the sacrifice of money from others. This is an amazing opportunity to not only help the Japanese and share the Gospel, but to live out Unity and show the world what Christ's love and attitude can do.

Man, is it good to be the daughter of the KING or what?!!

God hugs (GRACE)

So, my previous post is mostly about how I am lacking in physical security, because God cannot hold me physically yet. Today was a great example of God hugs, though...

1. I saw 2 specific prayers answered for Symbio and it was a great reminder that God hears and answers me.
2. I saw evidence of 2 more answered prayers (Travis and Orion are indeed safely back home), which is a reminder of God's protectiveness over his children.
3. Actual physical touch, that I dearly need (a hug from Travis, Robin, Sam, Kate, Abra, Ashley, my mom, dad and brother...and numerous children)
4. Reminder of God's kindness as I sat with Chris and Kate in church today, seeing him safe is God's kindness.
5. Time with my local body is always a blessing.

"The LORD hears when I call to him." -Ps. 4:3b

"The LORD is my rock and my fortress and my deliverer, my God, my rock, in whom I take refuge, my shield, and the horn of my salvation, my stronghold." -Ps. 18:2

"But you, O LORD, are a shield about me,my glory, and the lifter of my head." -Ps. 3:3


6. A great sermon reminding me of my Identity.
7.Time with my family is always a great reminder of God's love. I was give so much more than I deserved just in my family!
8. Time with Abra Sue...I absolutely love that woman!
9. Thinking about my job, God's past provision and the general spoiling I have as an American is a reminder of God's caring.
10. In the uncertainty of the future, knowing that God will catch me and is guiding my steps is a true God hug.

"The LORD your God is in your midst, a mighty one who will save he will rejoice over you with gladness; he will quiet you by his love; he will exult over you with loud singing." -Zeph. 3:17

God cannot physically hug me, and I am constantly devastated by that...often feeling like I am starving to death with lack of safe hugs...but He will not let my feet slip and He is never far from me:

"When I thought, "My foot slips,"your steadfast love, O LORD, held me up." -Ps. 94:18

Black hole hugs...

There are several things I am not good at...one is change, especially when it's a black hole situation (i.e. I know things are changing, but do not know what's going to happen). I have not yet mastered the art of submitting to Christ in these situations and still being active in decisions.

I am currently in the middle of one of these times, and am struggling. I may be moving in just over a month, or I may be moving mid August. I don't know what's going to happen, but I have to actively make decisions and let people know what's going on. This is frustrating, because I can't actually make any final decisions and can only prepare as best as possible...As I am a control freak, full of fear of the unknown, I over prepare for everything. I am on alert and ready to start packing, and my loved ones are one stand by for my departure.

I feel like there has to be a more calm, and peaceful way to transition and I am prayerful that I will someday learn how to do this.

I know that God will not let me fall. I know I will end up on the other side just fine, and in fact better off...but the in between is absolutely terrifying to me. As I've said before I like to know where I'm putting my foot before I step. In this case, I can see the other side of the tunnel, but God is simply acting as a small flash light through the tunnel to the other side...and I am scared of the dark.

I feel like a small child who needs her daddy to hold her through the scary things. Situations like this one are hard on me as a single woman who feels and interprets the world very strongly through physical touch. I physically need to be held and reminded that this is a safe tunnel to be in, because I am in safe arms. I can hear the verses and I can hear the songs. I can read story after story of God's faithfulness and believe it, but I do not feel peace or reassurance from it. I feel those things from touch.

As a single woman, I do not get this touch as often as I did as a child, and as often as my married/dating friends. I often feel alone and isolated, and it's no one's fault. The church has made boundaries and we simply do not reassure others with touch as much as some need. I completely understand why, because as a touch person, I understand how easily my heart can get involved in someone simply because of their affection...but at the same time, there has to be a balance.

This is why I am thankful for the Holy Spirit in others and for small children. Small children do not care, and they hug me every time I see them. I have gone weeks with my only hugs being from kids, but I have also had brothers in Christ give me hugs at just the right moment, and sisters rub my back exactly when I needed it most. I know that when I've been asking God to come and hold me and one of my Family members responds, the Holy Spirit prompted them to love on me, and it's really God's arms that are holding me...and in this black hole, I really, really need some strong, safe, hug reassurance.

TREASURE

The Lord oft speaks to me through song and he has been faithful to give me a song for every hard time and every good time in my life. Many songs have lasted years and some songs can make me cry in 5 chords or less...God recently gave me this one, even though I've been singing it for years...Treasure:

Your breath is like rain

Your word it sustains me

If you know me at all, you know how much I love water...in all forms...but especially the rain. It's very hard to find me downcast on a rainy day, and I dream of dancing in the rain on my wedding day, I love it so much. Rain is refreshing, joyful and a true gift from the Lord to sustain us and keep us going...but something people often over look, and specifically Christians, is the fact that the Bible is like rain in the same ways I just mentioned (joyful, true gift from God, sustaining, spurring and encouraging) and I am truly falling in love with the Word like I am with the rain...and the best part of the Word, is that I can enjoy it whenever I want! 


I am thankful for God's gift of rain at many important times in my life, and I am more grateful for a tangible thing to turn to for sustaining power, answers and encouragement. 


Lately, I have been neglecting my time with God because of illness and exhaustion, and a false belief about the Word's role in my life...but this is like a land refusing to drink the water from the rain...foolish and perilous.

I've come to this place

With intentions of finding You

But Thankfully, God does not leave me there in my despair...he nudges and knocks until I let him in and I pour myself out before his feet. My Beloved waits for me to come to him, looking for him alone...and then he rescues me...

Your truth is a lamp

Your wisdom my light

God knows what I need, always before I do, and he often waits until I seek his face before he provides. God will take care of me and God is gracious to light the way and gently guide me down the paths of life.

I'm seeking Your face

With intentions of finding You

I've learned a few things from my time with God and one is that, whenever times are hard, that's when you need to cling to the Lord even when you can't tell He's there. That's when you need to be on your knees searching for your Saviour like you would an exit in a fire...You wouldn't stop to look around, meander or slowly exit a burning building and this life is no different. We are constantly in a perilous situation and the world wants to render us ineffective for Christ, but He is faithful to remind us of this danger through not only his word, but our trials.

I would run for a thousand years

If I knew every step would be getting me closer

I hate running. But sometimes it feels SO good to just run, and I especially like it when I'm honing in on the finish line...but when I'm at the beginning of a run, I have to keep setting short term goals to endure and persevere. God knows that we will be discouraged in our race, he knows that it is hard, long and that there are many distractions along the way. He is not ignorant, or un-empathetic of this battle. Christ came, lived and died here, running the race we run...Only he did it perfectly. Even knowing the race's pain and hardships, Christ calls us to run it diligently anyway...Why? Because the place we are when we finish is better than the place we started and we will find it was all worth it.

I'd swim to the ocean floor

For my Lord is the treasure

Sometimes the world is pressing in on us and it's painful...I love this line in the song, because the pressure of the ocean would crush you before you made it to the bottom of the ocean...but it would still be worth it to see Christ. God knows the pains of this life and he knows what's waiting on the other side...and even if we had to have our lungs, and bones crushed to the point of death it would be better to continue to swim into that fate if it drew us to Christ. 

God does not call us to a pain free life, and the prosperity gospel is a load of crap. We will grow richer, stronger and closer to Christ as we swim deeper into the pressure and pain and farther from the comfort this world and ultimately Satan wants to offer us.

My Lord is the treasure

But here is where the catch comes in...we have to understand what the treasure is (i.e. the whole reason we avoid the flames and continue to swim into the crushing pain). It is not comfort on the other side of the temporary trial we are facing. We will have trials our whole life, and there's no escaping it, (no matter the depth of pain in your current trial). Our Lord Jesus Christ is the treasure, and we will have him for eternity when the race is over here on earth. This is where people lose it (and where I have bee stumbling lately). Our eyes move from the True Treasure to the temporary hope, desire, longing...thing that we replace Christ with. These things can be good intentioned, meant for God's glory, but are not Christ himself...and thusly still wrong.

Holy holy

Holy is the Lord

The Lord is Sovereign, Perfect and Set Apart. He sees all things, knows all things and He is the only right thing worth pursuing. He is trustworthy, despite our unbelief and he will never fail us. Jesus has very clearly called us to live differently and we need to examine where we are not doing so...We need to keep our eyes on Him and persevere.

Your breath is like rain
Your word it sustains me
I've come to this place
With intentions of finding You
Your truth is a lamp
Your wisdom my light

I'm seeking Your face

With intentions of finding You

I would run for a thousand years

If I knew every step would be getting me closer

I'd swim to the ocean floor

For my Lord is the treasure

My Lord is the treasure

Holy holy

Holy is the Lord

He is worth it.

Spring Break and Saints

I am so thankful to still be in the school system so I can experience the phenomenon known in America as Spring Break...even though it happens while it's technically winter...

This year I thought my time would be best served visiting the church in Arizona as I will be moving there this year. I wanted to see my friends Jen and Eddie, meet the saints there and get a general sense for the place. The exciting surprise, was that the Rock decided to go too.

So I spent my week with the college age saints from my own body...and that was a delight! Most of them had never been on a spring break trip with our movement before, and they were excited to run hard. I knew very few of them, but was so encouraged by their fresh faith and hearts to serve God in the hot sun. The Rock has got some amazing people that I am sad to have missed out on the pleasure of knowing, and am so grateful for the brief time running with them this week.

We ran a soccer camp, hosted a kid's carnival, and went door to door to see if we could serve anyone. Everyone was very encouraged by each of these events. We met a lot of people, shared the Gospel over and over and spent time being loved by the Arizona saints. There were lots of dinners together with the Arizona church and the fellowship was a blast. All in all, I think it was a very fruitful trip for all and I am excited to hear stories from this summer's infusion, and am sad I will be missing it.

I was able to meet most of the church body in Arizona and my goodness do these people understand hospitality! It is a very small church and most of the families in the church hosted us. One house had 10 girls and most of the other houses had 3-5 people (the Rock brought 30 people). It was amazing. They constantly had food for us, expressed their thankfulness for us and for those we had already sent to them. They love the Lord and each other and it is an amazing witness of Christ's love. Many of their teens we able to participate in our spring break trip and I was honored to serve and share with these young men and women.

One of the days we were there, we split up into groups to go and tell the Good News. My group went to a skate park with 2 youths from the Arizona church. Timo (16yrs old) jumped right in with the Gospel with these skaters, time and time again...and every one of the ones we handed a soda to (at least 24) sat and listened to the Gospel...It was amazing. They were receptive and though none of them accepted Christ, I know we made them think. One of the guys even cried when I explained justification...the very thing I myself have just come to understand.

God really blessed our time there and it was the most encouraging cold-turkey sharing experience I've ever had.
______

On the other side, I am excited to dive in and give all I've got to my team here. Being in Arizona reminded me of how short a time I really have to give all I've got back here. God is really blessing this body and things are hopefully about to take off. I've been praying for more women to join my team for a few months now. 1 just did and 2-3 more are going to at the beginning of summer. God is really paving the way for me to move on and that is encouraging.

My whole ministry has been growing in unity, and that is delightful. I am very excited to see what God does with us this year. It's going to be glorious, because God's leading.

Leaps and Bonds...

Have I not commanded you? 

Be strong and courageous. 

Do not be afraid; 

do not be discouraged, 

for the LORD your God 

will be with you 

wherever you go.” 

- Joshua 1:9

I am not good with change. Ask anyone that knows me. I will eat the same food day in and day out. I order the same meal at restaurants year after year. I like having the same routine each week (even if it means getting up at 5am 5 days a week just to work out before work, when I only need to get up that early 3 days a week). I make lists endlessly and repetitively and I love knowing what's going to happen. As long as I am in my routine and in "the know" it's so easy to go with the flow. But life is not a routine flow, now matter how desperately I want it to be.

he refreshes my soul. 

He guides me along the right paths 

   for his name’s sake. 

-Psalm 23:3

Every year, round mid-February I have a lot of choices to make.This happens without fail,  and these choices can determine the course of my life, so are subject to much scrutiny. This year, I'm making the biggest and hardest decisions to date and there is a lot more going into these decisions than usual. Usually, I am just deciding where to spend the summer, what summer job to take and who to live with in the fall. While I am still making those very same decisions, they have very different outcomes, because I am deciding whether or not to move to another state, and whether or not to go back to school. For a while now the desire to go back to school to pursue a career in medicine (specifically in child life) has been growing. I've ignored it for a few years because I don't have the money to pursue it, and really can't from here any way. But in November, God told me I was going to be moving...and upon research (and research done this morning), the university there has a masters program that could be exactly what I'm desiring. But that leaves me with question: Is God giving me the desires of my heart or am I reading into the situation?

"And without faith 

it is impossible 

to please God,"

- Hebrews 11:6

"Now faith is 

confidence in 

what we hope for 

and assurance about 

what we do not see."

- Hebrews 11:1

I like to be able to see where I'm putting my foot, and that's the opposite of a leap of faith. All of life should be lived in faith...but every once in a while God asks for a True leap of faith...Just jumping into the wild unknown and trusting Him to catch you and set you up right.

The problem in that for me is the fundamental unbelief in my heart to trust God to catch and set me right. God has been showing me just how deep this particular vein of unbelief really goes. See, it's hard for me to actually believe God would give me the desires of my heart, because I don't, at my core, even believe God is good. At least not to me. I am convinced 100% that Jesus came and died, once for all (including me), but do not believe that He has my best in mind, or if he does, that he actually has my best in store. Instead I believe the lie that I am expendable and valueless.

So here I am, at decision's door step, required to take a leap of faith into something I deep down don't believe will turn out for my good...

"But now, this is what the LORD says—
   he who created you, Jacob,
   he who formed you, Israel:
“Do not fear, for I have redeemed you;
   I have summoned you by name; you are mine.
When you pass through the waters,
   I will be with you;
and when you pass through the rivers,
   they will not sweep over you.
When you walk through the fire,
   you will not be burned;
   the flames will not set you ablaze.
For I am the LORD your God,
   the Holy One of Israel, your Savior;
I give Egypt for your ransom,
   Cush and Seba in your stead."

-Isaiah 44:1-3

I am meditating on these verses. I have some Truth gaps. I have been in bondage because I have not been listening to my shepherd's voice...I am going to prayerfully consider this decision, and  make this leap confident in my God. He will get me through, and I will not allow Satan these footholds any longer...

Need to Please

It's always fun, when for absolutely no reason, you make a revelation that helps your soul. Today while getting ready to leave the gym I realized I truly am a people pleaser, and this is the root of much discontentment in my life.

A friend pointed out a while ago that maybe there was some need or desire in me to please a certain other friend. I was immediately able to agree, and then spent some time working that out and what that meant. I've had several chances to talk to the friend I need to please, and we've been working on gaining a better and deeper friendship.

Then BAM!

For no reason, God opened my eyes to see that this is not just a problem with that particular friend, it's a problem with everyone. Particularly in the area of singleness. Everyone in my life is rooting for me to get married (and do so soon). This is hard on me because it's a desire of mine too...

But as I realized today, I am actually quite content with being single for myself, but constantly feel like I'm a disappointment because of this expectation on my life. So, I get caught in a vicious cycle: Instead of laying this disappointment at God's feet, I run to him and beg for a caretaker. He lovingly says no, and I get very upset...I become discontent with my situation and believe that I know better than God, actually I believe that the people in my life know better than God and deserve more of me than God does. This lie causes me to try to please people in other ways because I'm disappointing them in the area of marriage, and I end up repeating the cycle again and again over many areas of my life...

God does not need me to get married, or have any expectation of the sort. God simply loves me for me. He sees me as his lily white, fun loving princess, whom he is using for his glory and the expanse of is kingdom. All he wants is me to love him in return. He knows me inside and out, past, present and future, and he is not concerned with my pleasing others. In fact He is Jealous for me. He is fighting for me and often against me when I choose to love anything other than him.

To God, not giving me a caretaker and husband is the most loving thing he can do for me, because I do not need one, nor truly want one right now. I need Jesus to be my rock, my center and my foundation first and I need to let go of this persistent need to please others in how my life plays out.