Status Quo...

I have been wanting to write a post about this for a while, but haven't had time. I don't even know what to say, or where to start...so I guess I'll start here...

"The status is not quo" - Dr. Horrible

I know, ridiculous quote...but hang with me for a minute...as Christians, we should be fighting to be set apart...we should not accept the status quo, because it isn't really the status quo, baby. God gave us a different standard to abide by!

One thing that I feel Christians have settled for media's status quo and  drives me absolutely up a wall is when we do not respect our men enough to call them MEN. A man has responsibility and authority and boys need help wiping their nose. Men are strong and can be turned to for help in hard things. If you know someone who has authority and you call on them for help in a hard thing. I challenge you to call them a man (to their face and when you talk about them to others)....Love builds up  (1 Cor. 8)...

I heard a story once of a couple who got in a HUGE argument, and the wife yelled "I don't want you to be one of those men who....(continue rant for several minutes)" and then the wife went to her room and slammed the door. A few minutes later the husband opened the door and simply said "Thank you for calling me a man"

Not all men care what title you give them...but enough do. So why wouldn't you take the time to cover your bases and make a difference where one can be made?

No, men do not always make the choices we would like them to as women...but that can go both ways sister. You still want your man to call you beautiful even if you choose to wear sweat pants and skip the shower for the day....because you are....they are still men even when they do dangerous or ridiculous things...right?

 Any way, thanks for listening. I would love to hear what other things you think we are missing the mark in and probably haven't even thought about...

Suffocating

"You must  You must think I'm strong To give me what I'm going through Well, forgive me Forgive me if I'm wrong But this looks like more than I can do On my own I know I'm not strong enough to be everything that I'm supposed to be I give up I'm not strong enough Hands of mercy won't you cover me Lord right now I'm asking you to be Strong enough Strong enough For the both of us" - Mattew West


"When I am weak, then I am strong" - The Apostle Paul

I sometimes feel like I am suffocating for no apparent reason. It's an overwhelming feeling, that is very much associated to panic and anxiety. It stems from my past...being sexually abused in preschool, sexually assaulted in 8th grade and then raped my sophomore year of high school.

I struggle with fear of my physical safety and that fear manifests itself physically all too often. As a child, I ran to my daddy's arms for safety, but could never stay there, and now am too far away to even try and there is no one here to hold me when I'm scared...and I can't feel God's arms.

I struggle with anxiety and it comes with a price...I struggle with an eating disorder. One I've never told anyone about, because I fear what people would do if they knew.

A friend posted about her eating disorder a while ago, and I admired her boldness and felt challenged to be bold myself. 


Please pray for me. 

I recently moved, and this move has not really made it worse, but it, and my trip to Japan this summer has made me much more aware of how much control I try to keep from God. When I am afraid, (which is most of the time, and more so now that I live 800 miles away from all I've ever known and have a high stress job), I react most often with sin. I choose to control my food instead of running to God, or I run to God but do not leave my fears completely at his feet and then go and control my food.

Bulimia is not something one can just walk away from, and it's a battle I'm in the midst of. For some reason, I do not see myself the way God does. I see an ugly, over weight, inhuman tool for the use and aid of actual human beings. I am sure these lies stemmed from my abuse in preschool, but knowing that hasn't changed their power over me.

"I can do all things Through Christ who gives me strength And I don't have to be Strong enough Strong enough I can do all things Through Christ who gives me strength And I don't have to be Strong enough Strong enough" -Matthew West

I am fighting the lies Satan has been telling me my whole life, and I am learning that I don't have to be self-sufficient (self sufficient is just another word for prideful...and "Pride goes before destruction, a haughty spirit before a fall."). I am also trying to  learn to trust what I cannot feel...and that is the truth that God will keep me safe. I do not need your pity, or concern, but I do ask for your awareness and your prayer. If you have any good verses about security in God, or ways you feel, physically feel, safe with God, please let me know. 

I am also here if you have any questions about eating disorders, or any similar topic (I also have a past with self-injury). I want to be a resource for those who don't understand, so they can help others in their struggle.

Thanks for your time. 

Fields worth fighting for...

"But he took his stand 

in the midst of the plot 

and defended it 

and struck down the Philistines, 

and the LORD worked a great victory." 

- 2 Samuel 23:12

This verse is referring to one of David's Mighty Men - Shammah.

My pastor mentioned this story in his sermon yesterday...if you know me, you know that I LOVE the old testament and Samuel is one of my favorite books. This is a story I have enjoyed because of the valiant effort and strength of David's mighty men. But I had never thought of it the way my pastor talked about it before and I think it's a valuable topic of discussion given the many conversations I've had recently.

Shammah likely stood his ground on that plot of ground because it was a field of lentils that he wasn't willing to give up. He dug in his heels and fought for something he knew was very valuable (you must have food to feed an army after all), even when everyone else was running away. The verse before this one talks about how all the other men he was with ran away, so Shammah defended this plot alone.

My pastor was talking about how we need to stand our ground instead of fleeing from Satan. It was an amazing and memorable sermon, sadly we do not record things here...but it got me thinking...

What fields are worth me fighting for in today's war...and I'm talking about the spiritual realms war that all who profess Christ are engaged in whether they acknowledge it or not...

People. God's people are the Church, the Body and they are the ones who get to go to Heaven. Loving and defending people should be the field we dig into and refuse to settle for defeat in. I know there are more, and even specific fields within that topic. Like men, women, children, gender roles, etc...but the general line is people. And people must be fought for... 

...no matter the exhaustion (like Gideon)...

"And Gideon came to the 

Jordan and crossed over, 

he and the 300 men were with him, 

exhausted yet pursuing."

- Judges 8:4

...no matter the pain (like Paul)...

"You yourselves know how I lived among you the whole time from the first day that I set foot in Asia, serving the Lord with all humility and with tears and with trials that happened to me through the plots of the Jews; how I did not shrink from declaring to you anything that was profitable, and teaching you in public and from house to house, testifying both to Jews and to Greeks of repentance toward God and of faith in our Lord Jesus Christ. And now, behold, I am going to Jerusalem, constrained by the Spirit, not knowing what will happen to me there, except that the Holy Spirit testifies to me in every city that imprisonment and afflictions await me. But I do not account my life of any value nor as precious to myself, if only I may finish my course and the ministry that I received from the Lord Jesus, to testify to the gospel of the grace of God." 

- Acts 20:18-24

...no matter the price (like Jesus)...

"who, though he was in the form of God, 

did not count equality with God a thing to be grasped,

 but made himself nothing, 

taking the form of a servant,

being born in the likeness of men.

And being found in human form, 

he humbled himself by becoming 

obedient to the point of death,

even death on a cross." 

-Phillipians 2:6-8

but like this verse says:

"Be watchful, stand firm in the faith, 

act like men, be strong.

Let all that you do be done in love."

- 1 Cor 16:13-14  

This battle must be fought with constant vigil, a deep rooted faith and intense spurs on our shoes to dig us into our ground. We must act like men, no matter how we feel or what the challenge is that lies ahead, and be strong no matter how scary things look. 

"But the Lord GOD helps me;

therefore I have not been disgraced; 

therefore I have set my face like a flint,

and I know that I shall not be put to shame."

-Isaiah 50:7

All the while, we cannot lose sight of Christ, God the Father, who is Love and came that they may have life. We are fighting for LOVE and you cannot do that alone. Vigil cannot be kept constantly by one person, he will fall asleep eventually, but with a rotating guard, there is no wearying...strength can be found in numbers (Ecc. 4:12)...and it's hard to know what a man should act like if you aren't around any...and pointless to be strong if there is no one to be strong for...and love doesn't work alone...

"By this all people will know 

that you are my disciples, 

if you have love for one another."

- John 13:35

So any way, church was good yesterday...and I am gonna stand my ground here...I'm diggin' in...where are you gonna dig in?

Submission and the art of being a sack of potatoes...

(picture found on google images...it is not my picture)

Just got back from riding on the back of a motorcycle, for the second time in my life...I think I need to start doing it more and here's why...

On the back of a motorcycle your entire goal is to trust the driver, act like a sack of potatoes and enjoy the ride...reminds me a lot of this beautiful thing women get to do with their husbands, i.e. submission. Pretending to be a 'sack of potatoes' is fun, because you don't have the responsibility or worry of steering, but your 'weight' is still a factor that must be taken into account when maneuvering. In my analogy, a sack of potatoes has a voice and matters very much to the driver...because in real life, that's how submission works.

Submission is beautiful because it allows the husband to lead, and the wife to support him. Either way you ride, the woman has a say in how the journey goes:
     We can either be fearful and cling hard to the man, squelching his breath and making him despise the ride. We can fight every turn and curve and change in speed making it hard for the man to control the wheel...
     Or we can hold on for stability, encourage our man, enjoy the view and take the turns as they come, knowing that they are protecting you and God's got you both. When you are nervous, you can hold on a little tighter, pull yourself a little closer and let him (and God) know you are scared. It's all in how you communicate and how you handle the coming road.

I am not married, and am struggling enough with submission as a single, so I'm not saying I've figured it out, but both times I've been on the back of a bike, I've seen how beautiful it can be when done in quiet trust and I will strive to live it out now, and all the more when God gives me that one man to lead the rest of my life.

When you are not a 'sack of potatoes' not only does it make things harder on the driver, but it puts your life at risk and causes you to miss out on the beautiful scenery.


Don't miss out on the beautiful scenery, there's too much beauty to see.

Hoping on a prayer...

So, I don't really have a lot to update you on...

I spent the week of the 4th of July in AZ visiting my future home and all my friends out there. It was great to be there, and I really enjoyed the 105 degree weather (I am a sun bunny...not a snow bunny, it's official).

As soon as I got back I went to NE to visit my Grams with my dad. It was her birthday and her computer was broken, so it was a 2 in 1 trip, and I have to say it's the best part of being unemployed...I actually have time to see people!

But all the while, my heart has remained in Japan. Orion came back a few days after us, thus making my return less possible at least immediately. I have many contacts out there and based on Orion's decision and the decision 2 of my pastors are making, I may be going back until mid-October.

Please be praying that the lot of us would hear God clearly above all the rest of the voices in this world (including our own). I want to go back and reap a harvest for the Lord and plant more seeds for future teams, but God is moving mountains in Arizona as well and if my leaders decide I should go there without a pit stop to Japan I will follow...please pray my heart would engage quickly if that's the case.

So, there's the random babble, known as an update.

Thanks for your faithful reading and prayer over my life. It's a tumultuous time and I am so very thankful for it.

Sending Love and Hope...

http://www.youtube.com/watch?v=nD3h62c-T-Y

This is a slideshow put together by one of the girls on the Japan 2011 team. I have no words explain the brokenness and sense of urgency it stirs up in me. Please don't forget Japan. They are running out of funding and out of volunteers. Suicides in the evacuee camps have already begun, and this is almost an entire nation of people who do not know the Truth behind Jesus.

Pray for and support this country.

"How then will they call on him in whom they have not believed? And how are they to believe in him of whom they have never heard? And how are they to hear without someone preaching? And how are they to preach unless they are sent? As it is written, "How beautiful are the feet of those who preach the good news!" But they have not all obeyed the gospel. For Isaiah says, "Lord, who has believed what he has heard from us?" -Romans 10:14-16

I am hoping to go back as soon as possible. I don't know what the future holds, I only know I want to have beautiful feet. These people do not have any hope for the future, and they don't know that there is any. I was talking with a few believers in Japan about the tragedy and asked them what they wished America knew. Every one of them said "Don't forget Japan" and they said it in the context of this verse. 

How can they believe without someone to tell them? Volunteers have dropped off and there are not enough people out there sharing the only important news. 

Please join me in praying for people to be sent. Please join me in praying that I would be able to go back. Please pray that my brother might be able to go with me. 

Pray for Japan. Send hope and love in your prayers. God is listening. He hears and He answers. 

"Our God is greater, our God is stronger than any other."  Let us not forget that in this tragedy.

Last Few Days...

So, I am home safe and sound...but you have had a huge gap in information about the last few days in Japan.

This is because we were very busy and didn't have internet. This is going to be a longer post...but I will try to write as concisely as possible.

The day after we gutted houses, Nao-san had to go before the government on behalf of J-help. We stayed late to pray and when we showed up to get our daily assignment, the woman would not give us one. Orion knew it was because she was not fond of us because we were Christians, so we spent a while on the phone contacting other people looking for work for the day. During this the woman finally decided that if we really wanted to help we should go clean up the graveyard behind the school/evacuation center where we were. After much prayer and discussion, we decided to help out for a few hours and then find something else to do.

We ate lunch in the cars in the mud.

We spent the afternoon mucking out another gutter. This one was hard because it didn't have a cement bottom and one part of it was walled in so deep that Orion had to crawl into the hole and muck sideways with a scoop. The sun was out and it was hot, but the whole team worked hard and for the Lord. Natalie even passed out a bunch of tracts to passersby. This day was long and discouraging, but God's grace was on us and we stayed united...tired, but united.

The next day, Orion took Amy M. and Natalie to the airport, Lee, Lacy and Melissa cleaned up the base, and Naoki-san picked up Amy F. and myself  to go Yoshioka and help Hiroka-san teach an English class. We sang songs in english and then it was craft time.

I had brought a bunch of beads and string to share the Gospel with me. Hiroka translated and it was awesome to teach them English words and colors and then share the whole Gospel with them. Naoki-san was upstairs teaching the moms at the same time.

Of all the kids that came, only 2 have Christian moms.

Friday meant that it was time to go back to the evacuation center and cook food for the 450ish people that live in the centers we cover. God broke me that day. Hidetoshi-san (the man we met the first time we were there) had gotten up and ready early and he came down to meet us. We weren't able to talk to him much that morning because of work, but he hovered all morning and was so delighted to be with us again.

We were able to talk to him after lunch, and he told us he was glad his house was lost so he could meet us. I knew that we were the first people to truly care about this man, at least since he lost his house, and was broken for the other 450 people we were serving.

(While this looks like a mess, it's actually a bunch of people's homes)

I was overwhelmed at the over 100,000 still displaced. I wept and began praying about a way to stay for at least July.

Saturday we traveled all day to the DCAT conference. A conference for church leaders in Japan. This was encouraging because we got to meet a lot more missionaries and see a bunch of native believers and we knew that these were just the leaders.

There are Japanese Christians out there, and they are trying to share the Truth. Each and every one of them said that hearts are more open because of the earthquake/tsunami, and that we have a unique opportunity.

Sunday was spent gathering gifts and encouraging an old church member who lives in Japan. He brought his girlfriend, a missionary from America, and we had a great time together discussing and sharing stories. We stayed in the hostel again and were able to make a few friends and share the Gospel a few more times with travelers.

Monday, oh Monday...Orion had to leave early to catch his flight, so Hiro took us to the airport. On the way there, 2 people threw themselves in front of trains to commit suicide. We met Orion at the airport and he told us he was staying. I spent 45 minutes, praying, seeking counsel and trying to decide whether or not to stay too. When no one else was able to stay, I had to decide to come home.

I wept as the plane took off, and admit that I am still not excited to be back home. I will be contacting Orion soon, and because of his connections, we may have found free tickets back out there. If that is the case, I will be leaving again next week with Amy F (and hopefully a few more people).

There is still so much to do in Japan, and they are so open to love and need to see a group of Christians to see Christ's love. I know that I cannot fix it all...it's going to take years! But please pray that I would get to go back for at least 2 more weeks.

If you actually read this whole thing...Thanks!

There is so much more to say, so please stay tuned as I process and blog and if you have any questions please PLEASE ask me.