Need to Please

It's always fun, when for absolutely no reason, you make a revelation that helps your soul. Today while getting ready to leave the gym I realized I truly am a people pleaser, and this is the root of much discontentment in my life.

A friend pointed out a while ago that maybe there was some need or desire in me to please a certain other friend. I was immediately able to agree, and then spent some time working that out and what that meant. I've had several chances to talk to the friend I need to please, and we've been working on gaining a better and deeper friendship.

Then BAM!

For no reason, God opened my eyes to see that this is not just a problem with that particular friend, it's a problem with everyone. Particularly in the area of singleness. Everyone in my life is rooting for me to get married (and do so soon). This is hard on me because it's a desire of mine too...

But as I realized today, I am actually quite content with being single for myself, but constantly feel like I'm a disappointment because of this expectation on my life. So, I get caught in a vicious cycle: Instead of laying this disappointment at God's feet, I run to him and beg for a caretaker. He lovingly says no, and I get very upset...I become discontent with my situation and believe that I know better than God, actually I believe that the people in my life know better than God and deserve more of me than God does. This lie causes me to try to please people in other ways because I'm disappointing them in the area of marriage, and I end up repeating the cycle again and again over many areas of my life...

God does not need me to get married, or have any expectation of the sort. God simply loves me for me. He sees me as his lily white, fun loving princess, whom he is using for his glory and the expanse of is kingdom. All he wants is me to love him in return. He knows me inside and out, past, present and future, and he is not concerned with my pleasing others. In fact He is Jealous for me. He is fighting for me and often against me when I choose to love anything other than him.

To God, not giving me a caretaker and husband is the most loving thing he can do for me, because I do not need one, nor truly want one right now. I need Jesus to be my rock, my center and my foundation first and I need to let go of this persistent need to please others in how my life plays out.

Justification

A while ago, it was brought to my attention that I have a big hole in my understanding of the Gospel, and that hole is the concept of justification.

Justification = I am pure and holy sitting at the right hand of God right now. 

The trouble is that knowing a definition of a word doesn't just make the problem go away, and I have been wrestling with this for months. I have been fighting lies, immersing myself in Truth, reading about justification,  and praying for understanding. Then last night I was reading Because He Loves Me by Elyse Fitzpatrick and she wrote:

‎"He never punishes us in wrath because 

He has NO wrath left. 

Every drop of his wrath was 

ALL poured out on His Son." 

The wording struck a chord in me, and several verses finally hit my heart and made sense. If you believe in God, there is no wrath for you because it was poured out on the cross!

"For God 

did not appoint us to suffer wrath 

but to receive salvation 

through our Lord Jesus Christ." 

- 1 Thessalonians 5:9

"Since we have now been 

justified by his blood, 

how much more shall we be 

saved from God’s wrath through him!"

-Romans 5:

"The LORD has given full vent to his wrath;
   he has poured out his fierce anger." 

-Lamentations 4:11a 

I am free from wrath, attack, stain and sin in God's eyes and all that is left is a beautiful, sanctified, justified. A princess. His daughter, welcome on His lap, and free to play joyfully, and protected in His fortress for all time.

I am so excited to continue to grow in my understanding of the Gospel, of my identity and of God's character!

What part of the Gospel are you missing? Are you going to allow God to fill that hole with Truth?

How was Faith Walkers?

It happens every year, you get back from Faith Walkers and your brain and heart are full. You are encouraged, challenged and need time to think and process through all the information, love, and Truth that was just given to you, and your friends want to know "How was Faith Walkers?" I always answer, "AMAZING!!", but that doesn't even begin to do it justice. So this year, I'm going to try to analyze it a bit better...

"God grab us by our chubby faces and look in your eyes. Get our attention and tell us of your love." 

     A pastor started the conference off with a prayer like that. At least that's what my heart prayed with him...And my goodness did God deliver!

    Last year was a very VERY hard year for me, so I went into Faith Walkers asking God to show me His pursuit of me in love and I was not disappointed. 

     During one session God pursued me so intensely that I had to skip the second one just to be with him. In the session, I was "Randomly" sitting in the chair with a silver dollar under it and won it. I was given verses that spoke directly to my heart and the speaker was looking directly in my eye as he said the verses. All the while I had the sense of being intensely and lovingly stared at, by God. He literally grabbed my chubby face and told me of his love for me.

     If that wasn't enough, God also answered 3 of my prayers. I've been persevering in prayer for a year and a half for a friend and watched as God answered the prayer before my eyes. I've also been praying for another friend for a few weeks now, and watched as God answered that one too. The last prayer was in passing. A friend looked weighted down, and I knew they had taken a vow. I prayed and asked God to release them from it, and then got to see them freed. Filled with joy and a grown understanding of God. 

     This was such a big deal to me not only because my friends' lives are closer to God than before, but because in answering those prayers God answered several more for me personally, affirmed me and challenged me. I had recently been wondering if my prayer was even worth it, or useful. I had seen God do big things with my prayer in the past, but lately I had been feeling like God just wasn't listening to me, so it wouldn't make a difference if I stopped. Then bam!! He answered those 3 types of prayers and that's important to me because those are the only kinds of prayers I pray. I am like the persistent widow for the duration of the need, pray for something coming up, or I pray something once or twice in passing. These prayers I had been praying were good examples. 

     I don't know if I've been on my knees for a believer more than the first one I mentioned, and the last one was a prayer from an observation I had made, simply as I walked by them in the hotel. I don't know if it would have turned into a persistent prayer, but I doubt it, and will never know, because God answered me with a resounding yes.

     God does hear us and he does answer us. Sometimes the answer is no, and sometimes the answer is yes. But don't stop asking.

"We pray all to often for what we want. Instead we should be praying for what we already have (the Holy Spirit)."  

I asked for things that the Holy Spirit could deliver, because in different words for each of them I was asking for the Holy Spirit for them. I have been encouraged to continue in my prayer, challenged to pray for more of the Holy Spirit and challenged to pray more often, and more consistently for people.

     All of the messages were great, and these men who spoke have True hearts for God. Please take the time to go find and listen to the messages. I cannot do them justice and can only share what God spoke to me through them, and while that is valuable, I bet God wants to tell you something else through those messages.

     So, how was Faith Walkers? It was a great time to meet with, hear from, and grow in Christ. My brain is full, my heart is encouraged and I am tired...Faith Walkers was AMAZING!!