It's always fun, when for absolutely no reason, you make a revelation that helps your soul. Today while getting ready to leave the gym I realized I truly am a people pleaser, and this is the root of much discontentment in my life.
A friend pointed out a while ago that maybe there was some need or desire in me to please a certain other friend. I was immediately able to agree, and then spent some time working that out and what that meant. I've had several chances to talk to the friend I need to please, and we've been working on gaining a better and deeper friendship.
Then BAM!
For no reason, God opened my eyes to see that this is not just a problem with that particular friend, it's a problem with everyone. Particularly in the area of singleness. Everyone in my life is rooting for me to get married (and do so soon). This is hard on me because it's a desire of mine too...
But as I realized today, I am actually quite content with being single for myself, but constantly feel like I'm a disappointment because of this expectation on my life. So, I get caught in a vicious cycle: Instead of laying this disappointment at God's feet, I run to him and beg for a caretaker. He lovingly says no, and I get very upset...I become discontent with my situation and believe that I know better than God, actually I believe that the people in my life know better than God and deserve more of me than God does. This lie causes me to try to please people in other ways because I'm disappointing them in the area of marriage, and I end up repeating the cycle again and again over many areas of my life...
God does not need me to get married, or have any expectation of the sort. God simply loves me for me. He sees me as his lily white, fun loving princess, whom he is using for his glory and the expanse of is kingdom. All he wants is me to love him in return. He knows me inside and out, past, present and future, and he is not concerned with my pleasing others. In fact He is Jealous for me. He is fighting for me and often against me when I choose to love anything other than him.
To God, not giving me a caretaker and husband is the most loving thing he can do for me, because I do not need one, nor truly want one right now. I need Jesus to be my rock, my center and my foundation first and I need to let go of this persistent need to please others in how my life plays out.
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