Leaps and Bonds...

Have I not commanded you? 

Be strong and courageous. 

Do not be afraid; 

do not be discouraged, 

for the LORD your God 

will be with you 

wherever you go.” 

- Joshua 1:9

I am not good with change. Ask anyone that knows me. I will eat the same food day in and day out. I order the same meal at restaurants year after year. I like having the same routine each week (even if it means getting up at 5am 5 days a week just to work out before work, when I only need to get up that early 3 days a week). I make lists endlessly and repetitively and I love knowing what's going to happen. As long as I am in my routine and in "the know" it's so easy to go with the flow. But life is not a routine flow, now matter how desperately I want it to be.

he refreshes my soul. 

He guides me along the right paths 

   for his name’s sake. 

-Psalm 23:3

Every year, round mid-February I have a lot of choices to make.This happens without fail,  and these choices can determine the course of my life, so are subject to much scrutiny. This year, I'm making the biggest and hardest decisions to date and there is a lot more going into these decisions than usual. Usually, I am just deciding where to spend the summer, what summer job to take and who to live with in the fall. While I am still making those very same decisions, they have very different outcomes, because I am deciding whether or not to move to another state, and whether or not to go back to school. For a while now the desire to go back to school to pursue a career in medicine (specifically in child life) has been growing. I've ignored it for a few years because I don't have the money to pursue it, and really can't from here any way. But in November, God told me I was going to be moving...and upon research (and research done this morning), the university there has a masters program that could be exactly what I'm desiring. But that leaves me with question: Is God giving me the desires of my heart or am I reading into the situation?

"And without faith 

it is impossible 

to please God,"

- Hebrews 11:6

"Now faith is 

confidence in 

what we hope for 

and assurance about 

what we do not see."

- Hebrews 11:1

I like to be able to see where I'm putting my foot, and that's the opposite of a leap of faith. All of life should be lived in faith...but every once in a while God asks for a True leap of faith...Just jumping into the wild unknown and trusting Him to catch you and set you up right.

The problem in that for me is the fundamental unbelief in my heart to trust God to catch and set me right. God has been showing me just how deep this particular vein of unbelief really goes. See, it's hard for me to actually believe God would give me the desires of my heart, because I don't, at my core, even believe God is good. At least not to me. I am convinced 100% that Jesus came and died, once for all (including me), but do not believe that He has my best in mind, or if he does, that he actually has my best in store. Instead I believe the lie that I am expendable and valueless.

So here I am, at decision's door step, required to take a leap of faith into something I deep down don't believe will turn out for my good...

"But now, this is what the LORD says—
   he who created you, Jacob,
   he who formed you, Israel:
“Do not fear, for I have redeemed you;
   I have summoned you by name; you are mine.
When you pass through the waters,
   I will be with you;
and when you pass through the rivers,
   they will not sweep over you.
When you walk through the fire,
   you will not be burned;
   the flames will not set you ablaze.
For I am the LORD your God,
   the Holy One of Israel, your Savior;
I give Egypt for your ransom,
   Cush and Seba in your stead."

-Isaiah 44:1-3

I am meditating on these verses. I have some Truth gaps. I have been in bondage because I have not been listening to my shepherd's voice...I am going to prayerfully consider this decision, and  make this leap confident in my God. He will get me through, and I will not allow Satan these footholds any longer...