Reality Check

I follow all the rules

well, at least I try to
Hoping when my days are through
You'll be pleased

I've lived the longest days
Thinking my heart would soon be had
Too scared to look in your face
Oh, if only I had

[Bridge:]
And is it alright
If I stay here all night
By the shoreline

[Chorus:]
I cannot believe you are angry or unjust
You've done nothing but have compassion on us
So be near me when I've given up
Be near me

I'm just like everyone else
We are all hiding
Acting like I have a wealth
Of knowledge and peace

But all I've ever wanted
And what men have given their lives for
Is a God who understands my weaknesses
A God that I can love

[Bridge]

[Chorus]

I believe you are good and righteous
You've given me your reckless love
So be near, be near...

These are the lyrics to Be Near Me by Bethany Dillon (with changes I make in my head when I hear it)...I've been listening to it on repeat this month, and I am so grateful that people out there are blessed to write music from the heart for God.

See, I am almost 26 and I am still single. I am in the middle of the desert and the chances of getting married this year..or next year for that matter...are pretty low. Not a big deal, unless you know me and know that all I ever claim to have wanted is to be a wife and mother. Some days, especially lately, out here in the midst of unbelievable loneliness, it's hard to believe that God really is as good as He claims to be in the Bible. But I love this song, because it rings to the heart of that crisis...because all God has done for me is give me grace and compassion.

I know that no matter what happens I have God's compassion and that He is with me. I am not alone in the middle of this desert and I will never be alone, even if I move to a foreign country and leave all my friends and family behind.

At almost 26, it's time to actually look at things and realize what it is I am after...because it's not marriage. If I wanted to get married, I could go out to clubs, or go to online dating sites, I could call old friends or manipulate situations...but see, what I'm really after is a God I love. I want His glory and will not settle for less than His best for me.

God's best doesn't always mean my happiness, or freedom from pain. That's not how God roles...See God sent His Son, Jesus Christ, to bear the weight of sin (and in fact become sin) for me. Jesus came and did that out of love and He died for it. My pain is nothing compared to that agony...But God in His goodness, revived Jesus and now Jesus has right to lay any and all sin on his death, giving those who give up their sin, a free ride into Heaven.

As one who has laid my sin at Christ's feet, I now have the joy and privilege of sharing what He has done with the world...and one way in doing that is by sharing in Christ's suffering

"Blessed be the God and Father of our Lord Jesus Christ, the Father of mercies and God of all comfort, who comforts us in all our affliction, so that we may be able to comfort those who are in any affliction, with the comfort with which we ourselves are comforted by God.  For as we share abundantly in Christ's sufferings, so through Christ we share abundantly in comfort too. If we are afflicted, it is for your comfort and salvation; and if we are comforted, it is for your comfort, which you experience when you patiently endure the same sufferings that we suffer." 

- 2 Cor 1:3-6

I do not always get sunshine and roses, because Jesus didn't and He wants to save and comfort as many as possible before His triumphant return...and how can I comfort, and why would I comfort, unless I understood the pain. 

And hey, the pay off is out of this world!