Decade...

It's February 14th. To most Americans that simply means Valentine's Day...or Single Awareness Day to the more cynical. I've always thought it was a rather silly holiday. If you love someone you should tell and show them that more than just one special day each year. Call me cynical, unromantic, lame, whatever, but Valentine's Day has always been slightly nauseating to me.

Ten years ago, though, February 14th became something more to me, and I will never be the same.

I was raped.

The details don't matter. It just matters that it happened. I am still broken. It's been an entire decade and I still don't feel safe, or whole. I was robbed that night, and I may never get back what was lost...at least not on earth...

But God promises blessing. A friend posted about this song on her blog and I am so grateful she did, because I needed it right about now... here's the line that hits my heart...

I believe in a peace that flows deeper than pain
That broken find healing in love
Pain is no measure of his faithfulness
He withholds no good thing from us
No good thing from us, no good thing from us

(Sara Groves "Open My Hands")

I don't know why I am one of the ones who has to know this agonizing pain...but I do know that I am not alone in it. So many of the women I know have it. God didn't allow it to break me beyond repairing,  to spite me, or to turn me into an unlovable shell.

Make no mistake, God allowed it, and He allowed it for my good and for my salvation. I am His beautifully protected one, and I was being protected even that day. He withholds no good thing from us, and for me it was good...God's definition of good, not man's...And one day I will be blessed and healed. One day He will hold me and I will finally feel safe again and He will wipe every tear from my eye.

I wanted to write this to remind those of you out there that this happens. It happens to good people and bad people, to people who love Jesus and people who never will. But it happens all the time and it doesn't mean God is less good or less sovereign. It just means He has that much more to fix. Adam and Eve caused this when they chose to disobey God and use their free will for selfish gain. But one day He will make it right. He started with the cross (the highest price one could ever pay) and will finish with a triumphant return and a big feast for all who believe on His name.

I am His and He is mine. I do not deserve His good or His healing, but I have it, simply because He is Good and He is LOVE...my pain is real and is hard, but is not disqualifying. I still get Heaven. What pain are you experiencing? What rewards are there for you in it?

I am here if you have questions, or need to talk. It's a weighty topic, that isn't discussed much...and it's one Christians especially need to understand...though I wish no one did.