Confession...

It's after 11pm and I am sitting alone in a mostly dark house. I turn 26 next week and I am still single...and I am a hypocrite.

I have a dear (amazing, intelligent, compassionate and beautiful) friend who believes she cannot/will not ever get married. She believes this because she has been told by the world that it is so. I of course being on the outside, know that the world is stupid and those are all ridiculous lies (and I will be there at her wedding with bells on and the biggest smile in the room, proving the world it's worthless and wrong)...

But at the very same time I believe in her so much, I doubt myself more. I have spent the last year trying to kill within myself the one and only dream I've ever really had, because I've been told I am less than desirable.

I long to be a wife and mother, and I don't know how to stop wanting that..and I don't know how to see God's Truth in the battle.

I believe the world, and each day the world is proven true I bite on the lie a little bit more. I know I don't deserve a husband. I am not worthy of love...but that's what Jesus died for. He is where my worth comes from...He is where my beauty and purity comes from. The world tells me I am too ugly, too fat, too stupid, too sick, too broken....in essence, too worthless...God tells me He made me whole again, gave me an immeasurable worth, that He will give me wisdom and that He will heal me.

I don't need to be loved by any man, I am loved by the King of Kings and the Creator of the stars.

I have been struggling so much with this month, because it marks another lonely year past and in all reality, another to come...but see, that's just a lie. The God of Heaven is with me right now, and I will never be alone. When I think about the Creator of the stars giving His own life up, just so we can be together in Heaven...it's a pretty silly sounding lie.